Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
