your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
