did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
