Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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