***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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