Already got asked if we're dating
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
