I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
