About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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