of course. lets lasso hookers.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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