Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
