Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
