I wish I only lived at night.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
