I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
