didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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