Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
