did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
