Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
