Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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