FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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