Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
either way he was missing a nipple.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
