Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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