I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
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We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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