i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
