I think i peed on brittanys purse
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
