I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
