I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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