I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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