I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
