the new term for farting is butt boxing.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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