hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
