is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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