remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
