I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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