You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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