On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
