Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
