is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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