when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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