yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
