found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
