Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
