I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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