why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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