God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
