somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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