My first STD was from a foam party
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
