So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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