think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
