Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
