Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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