i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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