Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
