best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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