I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
