Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
