It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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