Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
