I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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