He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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