I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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