Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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