wake up i wanna do it froggy style
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
