she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
