we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
