No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
