Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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