I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
