i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
