He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
