found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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