Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
