No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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