Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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