i will never coherently bang her
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
