and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
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