Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
