Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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