some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
