I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
